I knew better.
That is what makes me most angry with myself. I knew what I was doing when I would listen to that garbage.
My parents warned me. My Pastors & teachers warned me. My conscience pricked me.
But it made me forget. Forget the mental and emotional struggles. Forget whatever issues I was going through. Forget my mistakes & my blunders. Forget, forget, forget.
Or, better put, ignore for a moment. And it just made reality more painful when the earbuds came out again. But it was that moment of apathy, where I could just feel good for a minute that enticed me to listen to music that I KNEW I shouldn’t listen to.
I always had it pretty easy on the outside. I seemed okay. Everything appeared as though I had a great life. And it wasn’t my surroundings that I struggled with. It is with what is inside me that I struggled (and still struggle). It is from there that we experience anger, anxiety, depression, selfishness, bitterness, envy, and all manner of other things. It wasn’t because of what was on the outside, it was my own heart that was my worst enemy.
And because I over thought every little detail of everything, it gave me anxiety and I would get stressed about the smallest and most insignificant events, and if I did something awkward I thought about it for weeks and it made me just hate myself. All of this to emphasize that I needed music to distract me from my own thoughts. To keep me away from how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin.
Friends, when I went to worldly music, I went to the wrong place. It kept me from being in tune with the Spirit, and instead gave me a worldly, fleshly fulfillment that quickly passes away and makes you feel so empty.
I wish I could forget those couple months. I wish they had never happened. So why am I discussing it? Why bring back all the regrets afresh?!
I’m confessing it because I don’t want anyone else to make the same mistake. I hope it isn’t too late to warn you, to plead with you, not to give in to the temptation. I know it is all around us and it’s so easy to think it isn’t a big deal to listen to the music of this world. In fact, we don’t really have a choice sometimes, like when it’s playing in stores. But we should not be choosing to saturate ourselves with it, especially since we can clearly see the corrupt fruit that it produces in the lives around us.
So please, friend: stop right now. Open up your music app. Is the music you listen to good? Does it draw you closer to God, or do you listen to it to satisfy your flesh? If the Holy Spirit is convicting you, don’t ignore it as I did. Listen to your conscience, not your flesh.
P.S. In a future post I hope to tell how God helped me get control of my life in this area.
If this was an encouragement to you, I would love to hear about it. Leave a comment below! Also, please visit some of my other posts!
Thank you for reading!