I am eighteen years old, and I’ve never had a boyfriend.
Am I sad about it? Do I feel like I missed out on anything good? Nope!
Sometimes maybe it was hard when I’d see other girls dating. But I knew that I was doing what was right. There were some times I felt like the only one without a boyfriend (though I most certainly was not 😂). But thanks to my parents, my pastors, my church family, and most of all God, “…which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ”, I am where I am today.
So I want to share with you, my friends, and especially some of the younger girls out there, some of the reasons why I am very glad I never had a boyfriend.
It’s a distraction.
When a girl has a guy friend (and vice-versa too), she has a hard time going for very long without thinking about him and talking about him. It seems to consume her. For however long they are “together”, her life seems to be pretty centered on him. She tries to be with him all the time – she brags about their relationship – she posts selfies of them together – etc, etc.
It’s not that the things above are bad…they’re not…not when it’s the right time. But childhood/younger teen years are not the right time to have a romantic relationship. They are the time to be growing, learning and preparing.
Whenever a building is constructed, the builders don’t start by building the walls or roof (at least I sure hope they don’t). No, they start with the foundation. Not only that, but that foundation must be well constructed and stable so that the building does not collapse.
In the same way, our years as a child and as a teen are the foundation of our lives. They should be used wisely, and spent developing our character and learning what we will need to know. It is our nature to want to jump ahead and hurry things along because we are impatient. But would it be wise for workers to skip ahead to the walls of the building because they couldn’t wait? No, better to do it right! It is best to slow down and focus on that solid foundation so that it will be secure and ready to withstand the storms of life.
Once we have completed this step of life, THEN, if we are firmly grounded, if we are settled and maturing in our faith, it might be God’s will that we enter a relationship and get married.
Having a boyfriend (or multiple ones) would have just been another thing to deviate my focus away from growing in the Lord. It would have been one of those weights we are told to cast aside.
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
It could have been damaging to my heart & emotions.
The Bible often uses the term “heart” to represent a person’s feelings, or will. The word of God tells us that our hearts are naturally wicked, deceitful, and fret against the LORD. Our hearts are something we need to guard. We are told to keep our hearts with all diligence, and we are told to love the LORD with all of our heart. (Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 22:37)
The world lies to us and tells us to do the opposite of what God has commanded us to do. They tell us, “follow your heart!” Does that sound at all like wise counsel? No, it is foolishness.
Dating as a young person is based on feelings & emotions. I don’t believe I would have been thinking, “dating this person is a logical and smart thing to do.” No, it would have been more like, “hey I like this person, I want to hang out and have a relationship with them.”
I am not going to say it is absolutely 100% wrong, but it is not very wise. Paul the Apostle wrote to Timothy, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22)
Having a boyfriend would be pleasing to my emotions…it would not have been guarding them. Instead of fleeing a situation that could cause me to lust, it would rather have been accepting it.
To have had a boyfriend would not have been to “keep my heart with all diligence.”
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
I can see what this system has done to other people.
For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes.
The word of God often tells us to judge things (and people) by their fruit. Basically, what is the effect of this thing? Is the world better because of it? Is it improving things? When looking at how marriages and relationships have become so flawed, do you think that maybe people are doing something wrong?
I for one do my best not to be blind to the patterns occurring here. If having “romantic” relationships in earlier years was a good thing, it would not produce the corrupt fruit that it does. By observing the effects on others, I can see that having a boyfriend would not have benefited me or anyone around me.
It easily leads to sin.
Dating as most go about it is a part of our culture here in the US (and in many other places too). It is a worldly practice. God warns us about following the patterns of the world. You all probably know these verses from Romans:
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
The Bible tells us that if we are saved, we are the temple of the Holy Ghost, and are not our own for we are bought with a price. We are commanded to glorify God both in our spirit and in our body. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Do you see the significance? We are bought with a price. We are not allowed to just live how we want. We are to live by God’s standards, and they are high ones. Having a boyfriend would put me in a situation where it would be tempting to do things that would wreck my Spiritual, emotional, and physical purity.
Having a boyfriend would have put me in a place where it was easy and tempting to sin.
Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:
For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:
} See also:
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
So even though I talked about why I’m glad I didn’t have a boyfriend, I am not saying that as long as you don’t have one, you will avoid making any mistakes. I am just thankful because I see how much I avoided because I didn’t date while I was young. It’s not that I did nothing wrong, it’s that I see how bad it could have been, and I’m grateful that I didn’t go through all that.
So however old you are, whatever your past, I encourage you as one friend to another to take the high road. It’s always worth it when you look back. 😃
I hope this was an encouragement to you! Feel free to leave your thoughts below.