I could fix it! I knew what I was doing! I would show the world that I was smart and had it figured out. I would heal myself.
I generally don’t share a lot of my problems on here, but a verse I read in my Bible reading recently just hit me really hard.
So I want to share with you a bit of my journey over the past months and what I’ve learned because of it, in hopes that it will be a blessing to you.
Last July, after living 18 years feeling healthy and happy with very minor struggles, I found out that I had a thyroid condition called Hashimoto’s. My parents advised me to do a blood test to check for it because my Dad has it, and also I had experienced some symptoms such as hair loss, fatigue, and depression.
The day I found out I had it, my doctor advised that I go Gluten and Dairy free, due to the amounts of antibodies showing up in my blood. This crushed me. Not only did I have this frustrating condition, but also I could no longer comfort myself with the foods that I loved.
(Btw, pretty sure my diet had been like 90% pastas, breads, cheeses, butter, etc. 😂😬)
The first 6+ weeks of my diet change were horrible. I had never experienced that level of depression in my life. Most people feel better after 2 weeks…I did not. Furthermore, after I started balancing out again, the hair loss came back and for another 6 weeks I was shedding like crazy.
I felt like a mess. I didn’t understand why I felt worse now than I had before. Eventually, Christmas time came around, and the whole season was sheer torture, as I was surrounded by foods I couldn’t eat. (O.K. I admit, I cheated a bit on the dairy part and had English Toffee. But still.)
Oddly enough, I think due to some supplements I was taking, I started to feel a lot better again. But I didn’t want to be reliant on supplements. I wanted to be normal, the way I had used to be.
So my mom told me about the GAPS diet. I looked into it, and saw lots of people claiming that it healed them and got them back on foods they were allergic before. I saw as it were a gleam of hope, although I couldn’t find a lot of info about its effects on Hashimoto’s.
I decided to do it. I knew that it was possible it might not heal me, especially since I didn’t plan to take it as slow as they advised. But I knew that it wouldn’t hurt to make an attempt.
I started it my own way, by doing a fast. Then I introduced homemade chicken broth and light soups (which is the base of the whole diet.) I was full of purpose. I was sure it would heal me, and all my nutrient levels would return to normal. I stopped taking all my supplements because they are not advised for the diet, your body is supposed to heal itself to absorb those things on its own.
In just a couple days, I found that my body went crazy. I was insanely irritable and felt all wrong. I was weak and struggling to get enough calories. Right now it’s day 14 and I have an awful headache. I’m hoping everything is just signs of detox. But what if it isn’t? What if I lost the balance I tried so hard for before? After even just the first couple days of soup, I started to get discouraged and worry if I would ever be better again.
But one morning, 8 or 9 days into all of it, I came across this verse in Exodus:
Exodus 15:26 – “And [the LORD] said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee.”
When I read that last phrase…”I am the LORD that healeth thee“…I realized that I was doing it all wrong. My first thought was always “I can fix this” or “I’ll research the solution and cure myself.” But that’s not what it should be. Because it’s God who heals us. It doesn’t matter what we do on our own, if we don’t have the LORD’s blessing in it, then it’s all for naught. Had I consulted with God on this new diet? Had I asked that He might use it? Had I asked if it was His will?
No. I hadn’t. I’d just done it.
And so you know what? I gave it to him. I asked His blessing on my endeavor and His forgiveness for taking a step without asking that His hand be in it. I’m gonna follow through with it, but now I’m not so worried about, well, “will it work?” and “will my antibodies go down?” because I know whatever happens, it’s in the hand of God, and that is the only place I would ever want it to be.
Have you had a similar experience? What were your thoughts as you read this? Leave me a comment!